My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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