16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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