I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
