Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
