I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
