well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
