You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize