I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
