What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need water and some morals
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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