Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
