And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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