i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
