YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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