I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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