the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
