that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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