How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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