Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
