Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
