What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
