dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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