Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
