based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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