btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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