You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
