but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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