so that wasnt chicken after all
you would pick up someone in the library
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
