I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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