I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think people are normalizing furries
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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