I cockslap morals
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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