Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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