He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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