anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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