I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex on a dog bed..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
