Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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