TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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