i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
