There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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