apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
