Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
