literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
