You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
