i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
