She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
