So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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