Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are the jesus of drinking
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
