I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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