Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
