we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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