i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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