so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
