My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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