Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i think i just lost a toe
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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