i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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