i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
