my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
