I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
