i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
