she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
