Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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