Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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