I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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