Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
