I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
