Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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