We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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