I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
