3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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